Something happened that led me to revisit my earlier blogs and read the things that I had written. Some of it was me just speaking out ideas, some of which were riding high on emotions and not well thought out, and I didn’t ever really fully consider the feelings of others. Here I was trying to make a journey from un-selfishness and forgetting those closest to me. I realise now that I never fully considered the events that took place or people’s feelings – I never truly understood a particular point of view and as usual I only thought how circumstances were affecting me. I also rather cowardly never approached the problems I saw head on, and let them go on with my own version playing in my head – a version that would have been very different had I given time to appreciate their point of view.
I want to state for the record now that reading my thoughts in those early entries, of how I felt back then, fills me with shame. I hope I have grown in the last few months to fully appreciate all perspectives; and although I cannot physically feel those events, I do understand. I guess a blog is so personal that you will always get a blinkered view: the writer’s opinion. I will try in future to be more professional about this.
So, Willy, my darling wife, I said some hurtful things I wish I could take back and I apologise wholeheartedly for not considering the things you were going through. As I have grown this last year I am on the road to understanding the things that happened. I think you have done an amazing job these last 11 months and our beautiful son is the physical proof of that – you are the best wife and best mother anyone could hope to have. Please don’t ever forget how much I love you, and remember I said things in the heat of the moment that I regret and now take back, unreservedly.